Howie and Christina, some of my longest and dearest friends, just had twins, at 6:30 and 6:32, this morning! Momma and babies are doing just fine. The boy is named Joseph, and the girl is named Alison. I was expecting the kids, but I am, nonetheless, blown away. I've been up all night in anticipation, and to kill the time, I made THIS:
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
lost
I was on some kind of a rant the day before yesterday about something, when Liz, the gal I was ranting with, told me I was really funny, that I hadn't been that funny in years.
I told her that I had noticed that I'd started to sound like I used to, but that inside, I was feeling really kind of lost. I told her that was kind of strange, cos I started this 'blog, to try to find myself, and work stuff out in a really big way. That I was trying to get back to where I'd started from, and find my way.
She said, "Well, maybe back then, you felt lost."
I hadn't thought of that...
I told her that I had noticed that I'd started to sound like I used to, but that inside, I was feeling really kind of lost. I told her that was kind of strange, cos I started this 'blog, to try to find myself, and work stuff out in a really big way. That I was trying to get back to where I'd started from, and find my way.
She said, "Well, maybe back then, you felt lost."
I hadn't thought of that...
Monday, October 02, 2006
A New Year
A new year. Again.
Yom Kippur came and went without event. I had an easy fast with my parents and a couple of cats. We broke fast with my mom's friend Elyse, who makes break-fast every year... Tradition.
I meant to discuss the whole new year thing with (at) y'all in my last post, but good-ole train o' thought took us somewhere else, instead.
So, yeah, last night was erov Yom Kippur. In English, that means, "eve of the Day of Atonement."
I atone. I fast. I figure if the good Lord gives me all of these days, He can have one back from me each year.
The Jewish New Year is the most important one to me. The others seem so arbitrary. This one is the heavy one. The others are parties, or just mark time. Samhain, New Year's Eve, and my numerological new years just don't seem to hold the weight of this one week on the Jewish calendar.
So, it's another year gone by. A lot has changed in the last year. Most of it involves age, but the biggest part involves separation from someone that I love, by her own doing. A year ago, we were still at least hanging out together. This year... more to come later. My friends already know what I'm talking about. I broke up with a girl, who is probably, otherwise, the single closest person in the world to me. When she told me she was breaking up with me, she took the single largest piece of me that anyone has ever taken with them from me; I gave her my whole self. She promised me stuff. She left me. I'm hurt. In the big picture, that's no big deal. Other people on the planet hurt; lots of them are hurting at any given time. But she feels so like the one, that part that completes me, that amazing, healing force that keeps me afloat and happy on top of all else. Babble? Is the truth babble? I don't know. I was so close to being a perfect, happy Buddha, aware of all and nothing, drifting along the path assigned to me, and perfectly content. Then, I met her. Then, we became friends. Then, we hooked up, and pretty quickly, I realized how much happier I was than before we hooked up, and how amazing it was to wake up next to her, and to be so much closer to her and learn from her presence. Then she left me, and we were back and forth, better and worse for the last three years, and I am wracked and kind of lost. Now, she's been seeing this fella for almost a year. A few months ago, he physically attacked me, and hurt me pretty badly. I never liked the guy, but now he is completely worthless to me. She defended his actions, and I've voiced my opinion about him openly and not-so-nicely, and she and I have been out of touch for about three months. And I don't feel any differently about her than I did three years ago. Maybe more intense about it. I hope that the universe brings us back together the way it did before, and puts this guy completely out of our lives.
I've never really been a grin-and-bear-it kind of guy. I do enough good work in the Universe that I don't feel I have to fake anything, or go out to please other people. I am constantly distracted by this situation, in one way or another, and it's really, really hard to feel positive about any world that could bring me perfect happiness and then rip it away like that. And, contrary to popular belief, NO: I am not enjoying being miserable. I hate it. It's an ugly, downward spiral.
When good things happen to me, I count my blessings, and appreciate, and I wish she was here to share the joy with her. When bad things happen, I miss the comfort she so easily provided to me, and the magical, age-defying, beautiful healing glow I felt in the embrace of her body and soul. I've never felt anything like it before, or since. Ignorance is most certainly bliss, and I am now enlightened, and miserable, as to the sanctity of the perfect wonder of my other half's soft embrace. And nothing comes even remotely close to that embrace. She is my Universe. Without her, life is dark and cold. Yuck.
So, another new year is begun. Another chilling autumn is here, leading to another cold and lonely winter of missing her, and with that, the longing gloom.
My new year's wish is this: May the positive from the negative find me ready and waiting. May history repeat itself in the best of possible ways, and may I be able to change things for the better at the top of the cycle, to spriral upward toward ever greater heights. And may that trend continue for the duration of my brief time here on Earth, and into my eternity. Amen. Bring forth the light!
Yom Kippur came and went without event. I had an easy fast with my parents and a couple of cats. We broke fast with my mom's friend Elyse, who makes break-fast every year... Tradition.
I meant to discuss the whole new year thing with (at) y'all in my last post, but good-ole train o' thought took us somewhere else, instead.
So, yeah, last night was erov Yom Kippur. In English, that means, "eve of the Day of Atonement."
I atone. I fast. I figure if the good Lord gives me all of these days, He can have one back from me each year.
The Jewish New Year is the most important one to me. The others seem so arbitrary. This one is the heavy one. The others are parties, or just mark time. Samhain, New Year's Eve, and my numerological new years just don't seem to hold the weight of this one week on the Jewish calendar.
So, it's another year gone by. A lot has changed in the last year. Most of it involves age, but the biggest part involves separation from someone that I love, by her own doing. A year ago, we were still at least hanging out together. This year... more to come later. My friends already know what I'm talking about. I broke up with a girl, who is probably, otherwise, the single closest person in the world to me. When she told me she was breaking up with me, she took the single largest piece of me that anyone has ever taken with them from me; I gave her my whole self. She promised me stuff. She left me. I'm hurt. In the big picture, that's no big deal. Other people on the planet hurt; lots of them are hurting at any given time. But she feels so like the one, that part that completes me, that amazing, healing force that keeps me afloat and happy on top of all else. Babble? Is the truth babble? I don't know. I was so close to being a perfect, happy Buddha, aware of all and nothing, drifting along the path assigned to me, and perfectly content. Then, I met her. Then, we became friends. Then, we hooked up, and pretty quickly, I realized how much happier I was than before we hooked up, and how amazing it was to wake up next to her, and to be so much closer to her and learn from her presence. Then she left me, and we were back and forth, better and worse for the last three years, and I am wracked and kind of lost. Now, she's been seeing this fella for almost a year. A few months ago, he physically attacked me, and hurt me pretty badly. I never liked the guy, but now he is completely worthless to me. She defended his actions, and I've voiced my opinion about him openly and not-so-nicely, and she and I have been out of touch for about three months. And I don't feel any differently about her than I did three years ago. Maybe more intense about it. I hope that the universe brings us back together the way it did before, and puts this guy completely out of our lives.
I've never really been a grin-and-bear-it kind of guy. I do enough good work in the Universe that I don't feel I have to fake anything, or go out to please other people. I am constantly distracted by this situation, in one way or another, and it's really, really hard to feel positive about any world that could bring me perfect happiness and then rip it away like that. And, contrary to popular belief, NO: I am not enjoying being miserable. I hate it. It's an ugly, downward spiral.
When good things happen to me, I count my blessings, and appreciate, and I wish she was here to share the joy with her. When bad things happen, I miss the comfort she so easily provided to me, and the magical, age-defying, beautiful healing glow I felt in the embrace of her body and soul. I've never felt anything like it before, or since. Ignorance is most certainly bliss, and I am now enlightened, and miserable, as to the sanctity of the perfect wonder of my other half's soft embrace. And nothing comes even remotely close to that embrace. She is my Universe. Without her, life is dark and cold. Yuck.
So, another new year is begun. Another chilling autumn is here, leading to another cold and lonely winter of missing her, and with that, the longing gloom.
My new year's wish is this: May the positive from the negative find me ready and waiting. May history repeat itself in the best of possible ways, and may I be able to change things for the better at the top of the cycle, to spriral upward toward ever greater heights. And may that trend continue for the duration of my brief time here on Earth, and into my eternity. Amen. Bring forth the light!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
A New Day
What a great and beautiful day to begin my first serious blog. I fancy myself a nice guy, as, I suppose, do my many, many real friends and my family. To that effect, every once in a while I get little rewards from the Universe. This was definitely one of those things.
I could not sleep last night. Again. At around five a.m., I went outside to make a run to my local 7-11 to discover a torrential downpour outside my door. My dear friend Tommy went to the Farm Aid concert in far away Camden, New Jersey, and I knew that his puppies, Rufus and Jack, were outside in his yard. So, I jumped into my car, and jetted down to his place to get the doggies warm and dry. Around two hours later, Tommy came in, shot from the drive back from Jersey after the show, and dehydrated to hell. I ran to his local 7-11, to buy some water. On the way there, the rain dried up, the sky broke out in deep blue dawn, and the sun came up. When I got to 7-11, I was not only greeted with this incredible cloudscape, but opposite the sunrise, I was gifted with this...
A full rainbow arched before me, right over the Bellport 7-11! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!
It was kind of strange. Although the rainbow was a full arch and very bright, it only shows up fading into the sky, and only in a few of the many pictures I snapped. The other pictures only show the clouds, as if the rainbow wasn't there at all.
Man, the coolest stuff happens to me when I am alone. It's been like a curse, my whole life. I always feel like a spaz when I'm in a crowd. But I seem to have my most magical moments, always, when I'm just with any one other person, never in a crowd. It's like when I'm paired off with someone who knows what's real and knows the deal about the Universe, our combined thoughts and openness seem to encourage the Universe to play with us and to give us gifts. And however intense that private, magical string of moments can get, things that are slightly more intense, things that are slightly more amazing seem to happen to me when I am all alone.
My life is just too weird for me to stay depressed for very long. Whomever is looking out for me from the other side of life is doing a good job of keeping me distracted and entertained. Thanks, All-Powerful IS. You're the best, when you're the best.
So, welcome to my next train-of-thought project, "Who Is Glenesis?", my blog. My last full-length train-of-thought project was called "Our Story". It was mostly random, sometimes very real, and always entertaining to its four authors. It was started by myself and three fellas I was living with in a dorm room at SUNY- Oneonta, in February of 1985. We agreed to keep writing in it for the rest of our lives, spewing random thought, nonsense, bibliographic flight, prose, verse, cartoons, lists, puzzles... lyrics... whatever came to us by way of inspiration. We call the project the Quad Novel. The Novel is always lurking in our brains, somewhere near the top of the heap of unfinished projects in our lives. Work on it has become harder and harder to accomplish, due to personal differences and geographic distances. We wrote in it last year, though... Or was it the year before?
The Quad Novel, Our Story, was unique to us at the time... the concept of blurting out any random thought on paper, and rotating writers, was such a distorted, twisted concept to us, and so silly that it entertained all who encounted the ever-growing project over the years. It didn't occur to me, the most net-savvy of us, that what we've really been doing is... BLOGGING. On paper. For years. And years. And years. And years.
I never did digitize the thing, though, I've wanted to, for as long as there have been scanners. In that time, it's grown from one page, to 9 pages, to hundreds and hundreds of pages. Hmmph. WOW.
Ironic, then, that I had no idea what I'd ever do with a blog, until today. I just had no need for one. Oh, there's one on my website, glenesis.8m.com, only it's maintained in a text editor, and it's called my Rant. But now it's become clear to me that a blog can be my personal platform for purging the demons in my life, and praising the angels on my shoulders and in the air around me, with much more accessibilty than The Novel, or That Damned Book, as we eventually came to call it.
So, here ya'll go: MY novel. MY unravelling. MY RANT of RANTS. MY ENDLESS LIST of GRIPES and FASCINATIONS with the Universe, between Me and the Universe, and anyone else who cares to actually read it.
I hope you enjoy it... I think... I might not actually care at all, now that I think about it, but if you do get a kick from it, that can only be a good thing. You'd be amazed how much small stuff I've done has had mind-curdling impacts on the direction of my life in days that followed that small stuff. Little things, incidental things, that have led to life-lasting, hellish consequences on my life. Maybe, one day, if I'm drunk enough, I'll share some stories with you, dear reader... It's Blog, it's Blog, it's better than bad... IT'S GOOD!
It was kind of strange. Although the rainbow was a full arch and very bright, it only shows up fading into the sky, and only in a few of the many pictures I snapped. The other pictures only show the clouds, as if the rainbow wasn't there at all.
Man, the coolest stuff happens to me when I am alone. It's been like a curse, my whole life. I always feel like a spaz when I'm in a crowd. But I seem to have my most magical moments, always, when I'm just with any one other person, never in a crowd. It's like when I'm paired off with someone who knows what's real and knows the deal about the Universe, our combined thoughts and openness seem to encourage the Universe to play with us and to give us gifts. And however intense that private, magical string of moments can get, things that are slightly more intense, things that are slightly more amazing seem to happen to me when I am all alone.
My life is just too weird for me to stay depressed for very long. Whomever is looking out for me from the other side of life is doing a good job of keeping me distracted and entertained. Thanks, All-Powerful IS. You're the best, when you're the best.
So, welcome to my next train-of-thought project, "Who Is Glenesis?", my blog. My last full-length train-of-thought project was called "Our Story". It was mostly random, sometimes very real, and always entertaining to its four authors. It was started by myself and three fellas I was living with in a dorm room at SUNY- Oneonta, in February of 1985. We agreed to keep writing in it for the rest of our lives, spewing random thought, nonsense, bibliographic flight, prose, verse, cartoons, lists, puzzles... lyrics... whatever came to us by way of inspiration. We call the project the Quad Novel. The Novel is always lurking in our brains, somewhere near the top of the heap of unfinished projects in our lives. Work on it has become harder and harder to accomplish, due to personal differences and geographic distances. We wrote in it last year, though... Or was it the year before?
The Quad Novel, Our Story, was unique to us at the time... the concept of blurting out any random thought on paper, and rotating writers, was such a distorted, twisted concept to us, and so silly that it entertained all who encounted the ever-growing project over the years. It didn't occur to me, the most net-savvy of us, that what we've really been doing is... BLOGGING. On paper. For years. And years. And years. And years.
I never did digitize the thing, though, I've wanted to, for as long as there have been scanners. In that time, it's grown from one page, to 9 pages, to hundreds and hundreds of pages. Hmmph. WOW.
Ironic, then, that I had no idea what I'd ever do with a blog, until today. I just had no need for one. Oh, there's one on my website, glenesis.8m.com, only it's maintained in a text editor, and it's called my Rant. But now it's become clear to me that a blog can be my personal platform for purging the demons in my life, and praising the angels on my shoulders and in the air around me, with much more accessibilty than The Novel, or That Damned Book, as we eventually came to call it.
So, here ya'll go: MY novel. MY unravelling. MY RANT of RANTS. MY ENDLESS LIST of GRIPES and FASCINATIONS with the Universe, between Me and the Universe, and anyone else who cares to actually read it.
I hope you enjoy it... I think... I might not actually care at all, now that I think about it, but if you do get a kick from it, that can only be a good thing. You'd be amazed how much small stuff I've done has had mind-curdling impacts on the direction of my life in days that followed that small stuff. Little things, incidental things, that have led to life-lasting, hellish consequences on my life. Maybe, one day, if I'm drunk enough, I'll share some stories with you, dear reader... It's Blog, it's Blog, it's better than bad... IT'S GOOD!
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